When Hell Freezes Over
by I-Kiss-The-Air
Summary: Draco tells Harry that he will go out with him on three conditions. Can they be met? HD Slash.
1. Promises, Promises

AN: This will be like 4 or 5 chapters long, and they will all be short like this one. Loving all my awesome reviewers! Oh, and I am working on the next chapter of the Book. Be looking out. Anyway, Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Not mine. Dammit.

_**When Hell Freezes Over**_

Chapter 1: Promises, Promises

* * *

"No!"

Curious faces from all around the Great Hall turn to look at one Draco Malfoy, who was currently yelling in the face of one Harry Potter.

"This is not supposed to happen!" Draco continued to yell. "I don't care that the megalomaniac is dead, Potter. I will not go out with you!"

Harry just gazed at Draco silently as the blond threw a temper tantrum, throwing a goblet at the wall.

"Okay," Harry said. "So when will you go out with me?"

Such a simple question, asked in a very matter of fact way, that Draco stopped throwing things and turned to stare at Harry incredulously.

He straightened to his full height and walked right up to Harry, so that their faces were inches apart.

"I'll tell you when I will go out with you, Potter," the blond said, in a lowered voice. "When pigs fly, hell freezes over, and Snape admits to loving the color pink. When those things happen, we'll talk."

And what did Harry do? Harry looked at him. Draco thought that look was almost disappointed. That pissed him off. He was Draco 'effing Malfoy.

"That's it?" Harry asked. "Those three things and you'll agree to go out with me? Promise?"

Draco gazed at him in awe.

"Sure, Potter. I promise." He said, holding out his hand.

They shook on it, and then: Harry smirked at him.

And Draco was suddenly very unsure about what just happened.


	2. Pigs Fly and Learn

AN: Thanks for the reviews. This is gonna be fun to write. Enjoy!

_**When Hell Freezes Over**_

Chapter 2: Pigs Fly and Learn

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It was, once again, breakfast in the Great Hall. 

Draco Malfoy was coming to dread breakfast in the Great Hall.

The Slytherin girls all fawned over him and it was so bad that Pansy had to mark her territory in their faces. For show, really, because Pansy had been Draco's friend for a long time and knew that he was gay.

Really, he thought. How could it be any worse?

Then Harry Potter stepped through the door, and pointed his wand at Draco's friends, Crabbe and Goyle, who were at the moment stuffing way to many things in their mouths at one time.

And, so, Draco felt like an idiot because all the movies tell you not to ask if it could be any worse.

But he could no longer think about that as Crabbe and Goyle were being levitated by Harry, and flown across the room and back, at a speed that made even Draco, who was firmly placed on the floor, dizzy.

"Potter," he growled, grabbing Harry by the collar of his shirt. "What are you doing?"

Harry just looked over his shoulder and set Draco's bodyguards down. He then locked eyes with the blond who was currently gripping his shirt a bit tighter than necessary.

"I was taking care of your first demand. And made pigs fly."

Draco stared at him for a moment, not even thinking to remove his grip on Harry's shirt and questioned, "Are you off your rocker?"

Harry furrowed his brow at the blond and wondered, "Why do people keep asking me that these days?"

And then the Black Death hovered over them.

No, not really, that was just Harry's thoughts as Severus Snape stalked towards them.

"Potter," he sneered. "Malfoy. You both have detention with me tonight, in the dungeons. Come to my office a half hour after final meal."

And his robes ruffled gracefully as he turned and strode away.

Draco followed his example and turned to leave, trying to hide a smile as Harry muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, "Drama Queen."

But Crabbe and Goyle noticed his almost smile. And they began to wonder...

**XXX**

"Pansy, do you think..." Vincent Crabbe took a deep breath before continuing, "Do you think Draco is gay?"

The short brunette by the name of Pansy Parkinson gawked at him for a moment, before turning to Gregory Goyle who sat at her side.

"He smiled at Potter today. Well, sort of. Anyway, he doesn't seem too freaked out about dating a guy, it's just because it's Potter he said no. Or that's what it seemed like, anyway," the large boy said quickly, wanting to ease the look of shock on Pansy's face.

The female Slytherin stared first at one of her companions, and then the other. Then she closed her eyes and shook her head, as the boys glanced at each other nervously. Pansy then opened her eyes and stared at her friends again.

"You mean you didn't notice until now?!" she finally shouted in disbelief.

Blaise Zabini walked in and as soon as he the three incredulous faces, he clapped his hands in glee.

"Something interesting just happened, didn't it? Do tell!" he said, almost squealing in excitement.

Pansy turned to him, and stated with lingering awe, "They didn't know about Dray."

The new comer's dark eyes widened.

"Well, then." he said, taking control of the situation. "We do have a lot to talk about tonight, don't we? At least this won't be boring."

So, for most of the night, talk is exactly what they did.


	3. Hell on Earth

AN: The gay, straight, alien thing is sort of a quote. An early posting if you can tell me who. Thanks for the reviews! And to all the people who put me on their story alert list. And those who put me on their favorite authors list. And those who put me on their favorite stories list. All of you are wonderful! Please leave a review! Enjoy!

_**When Hell Freezes Over**_

Chapter 3: Hell on Earth

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"Draco, why didn't you tell us?" Vince asked for the tenth time in the last three and a half minutes. 

Draco gritted his teeth and glowered at his friends. Coming into the common room after his Head Boy duty, he just wanted to go to bed and sleep.

He had just spent thirty minutes being interrogated by that freak with the cat, Filch, about causing loud noises, and had spent the hour before that punishing half a dozen different couples for snogging in empty hallways. He really couldn't believe that they were so stupid as to use the hallways, seeing as there was always some one on patrol.

"Yeah, Dray," Blaise prodded gleefully. "Do tell us!"

Draco narrowed his eyes at his best friend. He didn't know if Blaise was gay, straight, or an alien. He just figured Blaise was bisexual and left it at that. He never tortured the tan skinned boy about his sexuality. The blond never _really_ tortured any of his friends.

Now, though, his male friends had decided that they would torture him until he passed out.

Pansy, for her part, just sat there and watched her best friend being tortured, or so it seemed to Draco. She was, rather, staring at the blond perplexedly.

"Why do you care?" Draco cried, confused as to the reason the guys kept questioning him. It seemed to him they knew everything already.

Pansy finally spoke up, after ten more minutes of Draco being cross-examined.

"Draco, are you in love with Potter?" she inquired bluntly.

The group of boys turned towards the short girl with wide eyes before turning those same eyes on Draco.

The blond Slytherin simply gaped at Pansy. Then his eyes gained a far-away gleam and his gaze fell towards the floor.

"Draco?" Greg called as the boys prepared to give the dazed teenager the third degree once again.

But then, Draco's head snapped up, and he looked the female of the group directly in the eye.

"I just might be, Pansy."

All was silent for about half of a minute.

And then...

The questioning of Draco restarted with a new fervor, and all the blond could think was, 'This is hell.'

**XXX**

Draco had been wrong, he that realized now.

Now, at this second, he was in hell.

This class period he had History of Magic, with Binns the ghost professor who didn't even have to stop for air while giving them crap lectures.

Yes, this was hell, he was sure of it.

As he contemplated whether to repeatedly hit his on the desk or to just fall asleep with the rest of the class (well, the Slytherin half, seeing as they shared this class with Ravenclaw), Binns droned on and on about lord knows what.

The silver-eyed boy decided to go to sleep, since he had not gotten much rest the night before what with all the questioning.

Draco closed his eyes and as he cat napped he saw only a mist. The mist was the color of sunlight that you could see from behind your eyelids, and it was warm like sunshine on skin.

Through the mist a figure with dark hair began to float towards him. Already knowing who it was the blond waited for Harry, who looked beautiful and as though he belonged in the surrounding haze of sunbeams.

But it seemed the Gryffindor could not come any further by himself.

And suddenly everything was cold. Not an eerie, self-induced chill, but actually _cold_. Cold: in the same way as winter, and snow cones, and icicles.

And so, the blond boy woke up to a world of white.

Or, really, a classroom of white.

And the boy from his dreams was standing in the middle of the room on a mountain of snow, eyes bright and smile even brighter, obviously enjoying the complete chaos that he had caused.

Draco was in awe, because he had just realized. Harry looked just as beautiful encircled by snow as he did by sun.

Dammit, the Slytherin thought a few half seconds later.

This was a problem.


	4. The Godfather

AN: Okay, here it is. The next to last chapter, I think. Enjoy!

_**When Hell Freezes Over**_

Chapter 4: The Godfather

* * *

"Sev!" Draco called, banging loudly on the oak door in front of him. "Open the damn door! _Now!_" 

The blond Slytherin was currently standing outside the office of one Severus Snape. He had come to spend quality time with his godfather, as he did every Friday evening.

It seemed however, the Potions Master was being a snot today.

"SEVERUS SNAPE! I mean it!"

As Draco lifted his hand to pound on the door it was opened and his was faced with one livid godfather.

And that would have been bad anyway, but this livid godfather happened to be said Severus Snape.

Draco was wishing his location was with his demented friends, even if it did mean horrible torture.

Because, really, whatever the obsidian eyed man in front of him had planned was probably going to be a lot more painful.

Draco looked down at his feet for a moment pondering the best course of action, and realized: he had none.

His grey eyes glanced up through his blond fringe.

"Alright," Draco sighed. "What did I do now?"

And moments after he stepped through the threshold the door slammed behind him on its own.

Just like in the movies were everyone dies.

**XXX**

"Not only were you irresponsible enough to forget a detention, you didn't even apologize! As Head Boy, you should remember these things! Do you have _anything_ to say for yourself?"

Draco did, actually, but he was having a little bit of an out of body experience after the fifteen minute lecture he had just received, so he remained silent.

Severus, seeing Draco's glazed eyes, just started up again.

"Ok!" he shouted. "It won't happen again, Sev. But I had Head Boy duties that night, and I had to go do them, and then Filch decided he needed an excuse to whine, and then my friends went psycho and interrogated me half of the night, and now..."

Draco stopped his ranting, his eyes unfocused. Severus just gaped at him. What was wrong with his godson?

"And now," Draco continued softly. "I think I might be in love with Harry Potter."

Two surprised yelps flooded the room, one seeming to come from nowhere. Draco did not notice this however, for at the moment all of his attention was focused on his godfather, who had dropped limply onto the couch.

"Sev?" Draco called hesitantly.

He could not see the Potion Master's face as it was curtained by his oily hair. The older man did not speak but brought his tapered fingers to hold the bridge of his nose.

"Severus?" Draco's silver eyes were worried, but the blond did not move.

Severus inhaled deeply, then lifted his head and looked intently at Draco.

"Well," the gaunt man began. "I guess that means I owe Albus 50 Galleons. Dammit. I was sure it would take you longer than this."

Silver eyes just blinked at Severus.

The raven haired man stared back for a few seconds and, seeing that Draco was not going to do anything interesting for at least five minutes, Severus went and made two cups of tea.

When he returned from his small kitchenette, he found his godson sitting on the couch staring at the fire.

Handing Draco a cup of steaming tea Severus decided to get down to it.

"So," he began calmly. "Why don't you tell me about it?"

And for hours that was all Draco did.

They became so submersed in their conversation that neither noticed the door open and shut, appearing to have its own will.

**XXX**

AN: Ok, there. I will write more soon, and then will work waaaaaay harder on the other stories. I only have one or two chapters left. Review, please.


	5. SneakingAroundandChocolateMousse

**AN**: All reviewers rock my socks. Even more so for the ones who favorite me/my stories and spread the love. And also to the brilliant Crick118, my awesome beta; she'll be making sure my stories suck less from now on. grins

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_**When Hell Freezes Over**_

Chapter 4: Sneaking Around and Chocolate Mousse

* * *

Steps echoed softly in a black corridor. A large portrait of a bowl of fruit loomed close and the footfalls stopped. Long pale fingers tickled a pear in the painting, and as it giggled a handle appeared. The tapered fingers grasped the handle and pulled gently, obviously trying to keep noise to a minimum. 

Stepping into the shockingly bright kitchens, the man was assaulted by the squeaky voices of house elves.

"Can we be helping you, sir?" called a female elf with salad-tossing utensils in her bun.

"I'd like you to find Dobby, please," replied the man.

The elf grinned cheerfully; this man had said please to her, a mere house-elf. "Of course, sir! I will be doing that, right now!"

While the man was waiting another unisex elf, who obviously didn't like the cold, if the many scarves and sweaters meant anything, seated him in a soft armchair by the fire. He was soon brought coffee and, his favorite, chocolate mousse.

"Sir? I am bringing you Dobby, sir," the female elf sang proudly.

Dobby looked at the man seated in his armchair, and the sweet house-elf's eyes grew as round and large as dinner plates.

The man grinned, eating another spoonful of chocolate mousse and, before Dobby could say anything, said, "Hello, Dobby. I need a favor."

**XXX**

Ginny grinned and gave the password to the Fat Lady. Hopping in the common room, she ran towards the couch where her three best friends, Ron, Mione, and Harry, were sitting.

"Good news, then?" Harry asked, his eyes glittering with curiosity and hope.

Ginny gave a Cheshire-Cat grin and nodded, putting Harry's invisibility cloak down on a table, not offering any further information, just enjoying the others' squirming.

"Come on then Gin, out with it!" Ron's blue eyes sparkled merrily.

His girlfriend also seemed impatient, almost bouncing in her seat. "Yeah, Ginny, let's hear it," Mione smiled, her fingers entwined with Ron's.

Ginny looked them over and, catching Hermione and Ron's mushiness, laughed.

"PDA!" she shrieked, giggling lightly, jumping from her seat and standing in front of them.

Her face then took on a mock serious expression. "You will get no more out of me than this; Snape is Malfoy's godfather."

Ron looked scandalized, Hermione looked thoughtful, and Harry nodded. Apparently he already knew of this fact.

Ginny pursed her lips and continued, obviously not satisfied with the damage done, "Snape and Dumbledore make bets on student's love lives."

Now both Ron and Hermione both looked scandalized, though Harry was being difficult and only giggled slightly.

Ginny furrowed her brow, but it smoothed out almost instantly. She had the perfect surprise.

Flipping her hair at the trio, she turned away from them with a haughty sniff.

"Oh, and one more thing," she said over her shoulder as she headed towards the girl's dorms. "Malfoy is falling in love with you, Harry." And with that she smiled beatifically, snapped a picture with the camera hidden in her robes, and skipped up the stairs.

It was no small miracle that not every single person in the castle was jerked awake at the resounding "YES!!!" seconds later.

But most were.

**XXX**

The next morning was hectic. As it was Saturday, no one wanted to come down, but as it was the first Quidditch match of the season (Hufflepuff vs. Ravenclaw), no one dared be late for breakfast. If they were, there wouldn't be any good seats left at the Quidditch Pitch. Plus, on Quidditch game days, they had dessert with breakfast!

The breakfast was a healthy one, porridge and fruit and bagels, so the dessert looked almost more delicious than usual; it was a crowd favorite, chocolate mousse.

The owls flew through the Hall just as the mousse was being dished out.

Severus Snape already had a spoonful and, just as he was about to put said spoon it his mouth, it was knocked out of his hand by a very familiar eagle owl.

Draco's eagle owl held what looked like a box of chocolates; Severus's very favorite type.

Few had been let in on the well-kept secret: Severus Snape, Potions Master and Evil Git, was a chocoholic.

Draco had often related his obsession with chocolate to his passion for potions and scaring small children.

Draco knew exactly what type of chocolate Sev would absolutely never, ever, ever say no too.

Severus looked down at the golden box. It had a blue ribbon wrapped around it, and a chart to guide his choice of chocolates on the bottom.

On top of the box, a note was Spello-Taped.

It read:

_Sev, _

_For always being there, and loving me so much that I would trust you with anything. I know you would do __anything__ for me, Sev, and that means so much._

_Love,_

_Your Godson,_

_Draco_

Severus narrowed his eyes at said godson, who was seemingly engrossed in his chocolate mousse.

Putting his suspicions and box of chocolates aside for a while, Severus grabbed a clean spoon and dipped it in his mousse.

Swallowing the treat, he began to feel a little strange.

When he realized what was happening it was too late. Oh, it was far too late for our poor Potions Master.

"Attention! ATTENTION!!! I, Severus Snape, do here by declare that the best color in the entire world is PINK!!!"

The entire Hall stared at him. Dumbledore gazed at Severus with a wild twinkle in his eyes, and an amused smile on his face.

"Yes!" the dark haired former Slytherin continued, though he tried desperately to stop himself, "I LOVE and ADORE the most WONDEROUS color PINK!"

As the people in the Hall began to realize this was a funny and priceless moment, the staring changed to pointing and laughing.

Severus glared as he continued his Ode to pink involuntarily. Thinking fast, he looked around for a way to stop himself, fuming all the while.

Seeing the box of chocolates, he looked at the chart on the bottom, and chose a caramel. This company was known for its chewy caramel, and Sev hoped it would slow him down.

He popped it in his mouth, and hurriedly began to chew.

Moments later the Hall fell silent.

Severus looked around the Hall, hoping it had worked.

Until, that is, there was the flash of a camera held by Ginny Weasley, and another, much larger camera held by Colin Creepy Creevey.

And then once more, Severus's world exploded with laughter.

Furrowing his eyebrows, he looked to the teachers. He was shocked at seeing them try to smother giggles as well.

With his jaw stuck out, and a 'Life Sucks' look on his face, he marched huffily to the Headmaster. This increased the noise of the laughter, but Severus was beyond caring.

Afraid to open his mouth, he simply waited for Dumbledore to stop smiling so infuriatingly and conjure a mirror.

The Headmaster did soon enough.

Severus stared into the conjured mirror with a stunned expression on his face.

He looked up and, seeming to gather his senses, roared, "PINK!!!!!!!! My HAIR is PINK!"

Apparently the chewy-ness of the caramel was gone now, along with the pink-love.

This caused for some hurriedly hushed hilarity.

"DRACO MALFOY!!!"

The smirking Slytherin in question suddenly looked very uncomfortable.

Draco's irate godfather stalked towards him.

Draco calmed slightly, standing. Sev just couldn't look very frightening with pink hair.

"Draco Malfoy, you effeminate, scheming, little demon!"

Sev was obviously livid. So Draco decided to play with him, of course.

"Now, Sev, that was mean. And I'm not the only homosexual in this conversation. Speaking of which, when is Remus coming to visit again? You are always so much more jolly after you've spent the weekend 'having discussions'."

Now Severus's face was also pink. It clashed with his hair, poor darling.

"Draco," he snarled. "I will give you a five second head start. One...two...FIVE!"

Silver eyes grew wide as the pink haired man flew close to Slytherin table.

Luckily, some sort of invisible force made Severus freeze in place.

"Good shot, Mione," said a familiar voice, shockingly close to Draco's ear. So shocking, that Draco jumped and tripped over his own two feet.

Right before he hit the ground however, warm hands grabbed him around the waist, and pulled him back into a standing position.

Emerald eyes met silver and neither could look away.

Until a flash blinded them both.

"Ouch, Gin! Go away!" Harry growled rubbing his eyes.

Ginny looked at him, her face scrunched up. "You'll thank me someday," she declared, and moved away a little.

Draco stood, his hands resting on Harry's forearms, and blinking away the momentary loss of sight.

"Hey, Draco?" Harry said softly.

"Yeah?" Draco replied, looking up into glittering green eyes.

"Did you set all this up? The pink obsession and the pink hair? Was that you?"

Draco cast his gaze to the floor, and then determinedly looked up at Harry through blond fringe.

"Yes," was the simple answer he gave.

Harry smiled. "Why?"

"Why else?" Draco began. "You were taking too long."

They both grinned, locking gazes once more, and this time they didn't mind the flash.

Kissing doesn't require open eyes.

* * *

**AN2**: Yes, that's right. Dessert with breakfast. In my HP universe, they have dessert with every meal on Quidditch days. Another thing: I know effeminate doesn't equal gay, and if anyone feels insulted by this please give me some help there. I do believe I will be doing an epilogue, and I am currently writing the next chappie for Pride and Prejudice. Once again: thanks to all readers, reviewers, and my brand new and way awesome beta, Crick118.


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